OK, you’ve been warned.
- The episode starts with the trials or Loras and Cersei. A trial so big, it puts OJ to shame. Yeah, I’ve been enjoying watching Cersei squirm, so this one served me right. She didn’t go, stopped the king, THE F’ING KING, from going, and straight up bombed the place. Killing her daughter-in-law in the process. Killing all Tyrell’s minus grandma, who was smart and got the hell out of dodge. This also killed the High Sparrow, and all the Sparrowettes. Like super dead. Not even red witch booby magic could bring that back.
- This causes the King to get all depressed, and he jumped out a window. No explanation. Did he do it because his mom is batshit crazy? Because he’s a widower now? Because she killed half the f’ing city? We’ll never know.
- This means that Cersei is now the queen. Yep, crazy is back on the throne!
- Dany broke up with her boytoy and made Tyrion the Hand. And Tyrion and Varys’s little mission looks like it’ll be a success because
- Varys showed up to seal the deal between the alliance between the Grandma Tyrell and Dorne, and now Dany. All this chicks are super pissed at the Lannisters! And before you start counting houses that will ally with the Lannisters
- Arya showed up to murder/death/kill Walder Frey. I really enjoyed this one. First she fed his sons to him, then she made sure he knew who she was and why she was doing this and slit his throat. Girlfriend is hard core.
- Meanwhile, up North, Bran finally had the vision we’ve all been waiting for: Lyanna is Jon’s mother. Making him Rhaegar’s son, and rightful heir to the Iron Throne. No one but Bran knows this yet.
- And in the slightly South of that North, Littlefinger is proposing to Sansa. Well, he came out and said what everyone knew. He wants the Iron Throne, and he wants Sansa by his side. To do that he needs to marry her while she’s running things at Winterfell. But is she….
- Because in a super gloomy meeting, every North house is swearing allegiance to Jon Snow.One little girl stands up and manshames all the head of households and next thing you know they’re all chanting his name. Sansa seems happy to let him run things.
- Dany hops in her ships, knowing she has the backing of the Iron Islands kids(who really aren’t currently running anything, but they have ships, so cool), House Martell and House Tyrell. Cersei takes possession of the throne, not knowing that their ally, House Frey (which also just beatdown House Tully, so it’ll be interesting to see how that shakes out) is very dead. She burned the bridges (see what I did there?) with Houses Tyrell and Martell, and her other allies, Houses Baratheon and Bolton are gone too. This will also leave her in debt to the Iron Bank of Braavos, since Senor Tyrell was going to pay that off for her.
- The real undecided here will be Jon in the North. He’s house Stark and (unbeknownst to him) Targaryn. Will he join Dany’s forces or strike out on his own? Right now all he seems to care about are amassing forces to fight the blue zombies.
So, what do you think will happen next season? What do you WANT to happen next season? Don’t ever expect them to be the same.