From The Onion
Aug. 2005 Briefing Warned, ‘Cheney Determined To Shoot Old Man In Face’
February 20, 2006 | Issue 42â€¢08
WASHINGTON, DCâ€”Government documents declassified today reveal that President Bush was briefed last summer of “a substantial risk” that Vice President Dick Cheney would shoot an elderly male in the face sometime in the next several months.
In a Presidential Daily Briefing given to Bush in August 2005, the CIA warned that the vice president was a potent threat to the senior population at large, and in particular “possessed the capabilities and intentions to spray a senior citizen with projectiles fired from a shotgun or other weapon.” A second brief identified the population at risk as those “between 70 and 80 years of age,” and warned that the vice president posed the greatest threat to “seniors in close proximity to the vice president when he is armed.”
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