Ze Odds & Ends

So we don’t all look like hosers

Last night I took one of the kids to the RiverKings Meet-n-Greet. Our other child was at home sick with my husband. I thought we were going to have to fight over who was going, but it was surprisingly simple to decide. After I told him about Austin having a fever, I said “Sorry, we can’t all go. But it’s ok, you take Hannah, go and have a good time.” Of course, he was feeling gracious and said he didn’t want to go if we couldn’t all go. Lucky for me, I’m not that nice. You should have seen the look on his face as I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

It was great seeing the players and so many other fans outside the DCC. Hannah had a great time talking to Derek Landmesser, over and over again (sorry Derek). I had a good time talking to friends, and players. Ok, I won’t lie, player. Thankfully, I only spoke to Travis Banga. I say thankfully, because I can understand him. Yes, he’s Canadian, but he’s bilingual, meaning he speaks fluent American. He has no accent, meaning he’s from North of the Mason-Dixon, but he’s very easy to carry on a conversation with. I was listening to some of the other conversations around us and I was amazed at how many players I just couldn’t comprehend at all. This got me thinking, without a translator, at the next non-hockey event, I might be stuck nodding and grinning and having no idea what anyone is talking about (that’s “ah-boot” for ya’ll Canadians). Luckily, I recently came across some helpful Canadian terms and expressions while researching for my Puck Bunny article, so I thought I’d share them here. I’ll try to put them in the proper context for us Southerners.

General conversation:

When a Canadian says Two Four, that means a case of beer, as in 24 beers. Oh, and they don’t call them beers. Beer is also beer plural, like deer. Pretty much any type of number slang refers to booze, like 26er (750ml bottle of alcohol), or 40 (40oz. bottle).

In Canada there’s alcool, which means grain alcohol. Homemade booze is also called swish. See, they even have moon shiners up North!

A wenis, nope not making this up, is a really stupid person.

Instead of saying “probably”, they say prolly. Not too far from redneck speak. They also use ijit instead of idiot.

Skid is the Canadian equivalent to our “trailer trash”. They also use skid to describe some people who still drive Trans Ams, dress like an 80’s hair band, or anyone sporting a mullet.

If you really don’t like someone, call them a knob or nob. Apparently it’s a pretty nasty insult referring to a man’s hoo-ninny.

They apparently like the word “hose” in all it’s forms. For example, to hose means to trick someone. If something is hosed, it means it’s broken. And if you’re a hoser, it means you’re a stupid. Still not nearly as bad as being a nob, though.

When something is so bad, it’s good, it’s choad.

If you’re commonly called a “redneck” down here, you’d be called a blueneck in Canada. Instead of having a neck red from the sun, it’d be frostbitten.

If a Canadian says he went to the ballet, think twice before you applaud him for being incredibly well defined. The ballet means strip club.

And be very careful asking a Canadian how they spent their weekend. If they did “nothing”, you could be in for a shock!

Hockey terms:

A barn refers to an arena, and the folks that work at hockey rinks are rink rats.

The Toronto Maple Leafs have many different names it seems. They’re called buds, Make Me Laughs, and the Leaks. The Montreal Canadiens are called habs, and the Senaturds are from Ottawa.

Someone who parks near the opposing team’s goalie and never plays defense is called a goal suck.

When they say Lord Stanley, they’re referring to the cup, not the man.

In Canada, pucks are called biscuits and rubbers, and hockey players girlfriend’s are called pucks. But if hockey players teeth are called Chiclets, it’s a miracle so many hockey players get pucks!

When you decoy or fake an opponent, it’s a deke out.

Hopefully the Canadian you’re currently conversing with will either have a very light accent, or you can somehow use hand signals to get him to slow down. If you are able to make out what he or she is saying, I hope this will help. And be sure to ask about poutine. I found several different recipes for it, but I still have no idea exactly what it is. It sounds either incredibly nasty, or like a very sinful junk food. I think poutine is to Canada what grits are down here. Most non-Southerners have no idea what grits are, and no desire to try them. And just like grits, apparently there are very few places to get poutine done right. Unfortunately for our transplants, I seriously doubt Southaven is one of them.

~Chris Schmied
RiverKingsFans.com

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