New element discovered!
Governmentiun is the heaviest element yet known to science. It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentiun has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentiun causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentiun has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentiun’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads to some scientists to speculate that Governmentiun is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as ” critical morass.” You will know it when you see it.